she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Panties = found
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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