so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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