pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
