I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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