Tell her she can't have a vagina
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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