She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
