I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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