I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
