Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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