she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
