You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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