I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
