I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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