I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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