you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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