Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
