My pussy is not your playground.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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