do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
