My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
