I'm gonna have a badass scar
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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