ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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