Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
