textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
