i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
