When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
