Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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