that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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