My hand turned me down
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
