why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
