I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
