i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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