You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it was like eating out sand paper
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
