But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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