Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
