When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
