she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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