I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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