i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
