I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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