so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
