The maid of honor just puked.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
