they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
