My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
