I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
