I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
