I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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