The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
