I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
