Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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