im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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