i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
third nipple confirmed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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