remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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