but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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