I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
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I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Shame is for Republicans.
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