I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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