evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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