Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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