I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
