dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
