Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
