So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
