is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
