im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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