my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
