think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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