just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
