It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
