i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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