I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
