My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
